The Newest Fad in Driving.
Have you ever had to make….the call
Yes mom, I’ll be there soon. I don’t know how much longer. He says hes only five minutes away.
(Listens into phone)
Mom…I know the Cohen’s are there…yes I know their daughter just recently got out of a relationship…yes I know that she graduated from Brandeis….Yes I know that she has a tattoo on her…wait, how do you know that.
(David is now sweating profusely, noise - like the teacher in Peanuts - is coming through the phone loudly)
Mom…the driver’s calling me, I need to go…he knows my number because it’s through an app…no you cant talk to him he’s not here yet he’s calling me on the phone mom. I gotta go…bye
Is a slow moving uber stopping you from spending the night with the only woman who will ever love you for your faults and never stop reminding you of them? Are uber pools causing you to miss the Rabbi’s benedictions? Have you ever been on your way to a Shiva, only to realize you left your yarmulke and Tallis at home? If so, our new app is for you!
(Uber graphic over a car morphs into Jewber. The car ……. Man emerges from car in Yarmulke and has curly beard, and other Jewish accoutrements)
Shalom there, my name is Mordechai Rabinowitz. I was once like you, always running late, making excuses, carrying an extra two to three pounds of Jewish guilt on my pale, unformed shoulders. I knew something had to be done. And, that something is Jewber.
(Hava Nagila starts playing)
With Jewber, you never have to worry about letting mom down with our state of the art JewberMensch line. Just hit one button and not only does Jewber comes to pick you up, but it dispatches one of your mother's friends to chat her up while you are waiting.
(Pan to mom on the phone with her friend)
Stereotypical Jewish Mother
Oh hi Gayle…I can’t talk long, my son is on his way. Yes, did you know he’s becoming a doctor. And his girlfriend, Donna, oh she is such a doll...
Are long walks to synagogue leaving you shvitzing na verklempt? Try our more…uh….cost - efficient JewberShul, guaranteed to get you in your seat before the first blow of the shofar.
(Pan to clown car like scene with a bunch of hassidic jews coming out of a car)
Looking to impress that girl who disturbingly reminds you of your mother? We have the JewberJAP line. For $3 more our driver will intermittently compliment your date on her clothes while also making snarky remarks about every restaurant you pass.
Can you believe that girl over there? She does not pull off those yoga pants as well as you. Oh, look there’s Ritzi’s. You should tell that boy to take you there. A girl like you deserves it.
Want a free ride? Drop our name at your nearest deli or bagel shop and your next ride is free!
Ever since I started using jewber, life has been so much better. My mom even stopped comparing me to my brother Michael, the lawyer…
Download and try today. Jewber.